Life Keeps Moving On

I recently watched a standup comedian make a joke about feeling depressed. His friend told him to cheer up because "it's always darkest before the dawn," which the comedian joked about and spun it with the question—doesn't that mean the opposite is also true? Doesn't that mean that when it's bright as day it's also inevitably going to get dark again?

I thought it was funny, partly because of the humor, but partly because he's certainly onto something. It reminded me of the song "Happy & Sad" by Kacey Musgraves. The song is about her pausing during a happy moment during a party and wonders if she should be on guard, because she knows that feeling so happy means she's bound to become sad again: "I've never been this high off of the ground/and they say everything that goes up must come down." The bridge really gets at the core of this fear: being used to the feeling of sadness.

"I don't mind at all

No I'm used to falling

I'm comfortable when the sky is grey

But when everything is perfect

I start hiding

'Cause I know that rain is coming my way"

I'm someone who doesn't mind feeling sad—at least for a bit. It's a helpful emotion (hello, seen Inside Out?) that allows for contemplation and reflection. I also enjoy bright sunny days and happy emotions. But I used to feel similar to the way Kacey describes—this feeling of being on guard against happy feelings, because they feel like a trick.

This isn't a new phenomenon I'm describing; in fact, I think it's quite common, especially in artists. But I've also learned that joy is a different emotion than happiness, and that I can feel piercing, transcendent moments of joy even when things feel hopeless. (Is this what Kacey is describing at this party?) Emotion researcher Brene Brown defines happiness as a "feeling of pleasure often related to the immediate environment or current circumstances," while joy is "an intense feeling of deep siritual connection, pleasure, and appreciations." She also has a word for what Kacey and the comedian both describe: foreboding joy, where "you're afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments, and joy," or when "you are waiting for the other shoe to drop" (Atlas of the Heart).

I think both things are true: it's always darkest before dawn, and it's always brightest before dusk. We get to choose which way we want to frame it; we get to decide if we're waiting for the sadness or the happiness to inevitably come.

I also believe it's sort of both-and-neither. Ben Rector summed it up best in his song "Life Keeps Moving On:"

"We're better off the sooner that we find

That life is mostly what we choose to see

'Cause whether or not I've got what I want

Life keeps moving on in front of me"

In fact, listen to the whole song. You'll find that maybe that's the point—that life is filled with dark days, bright days, and everything in between, and perhaps all of these different shades of threads are necessary to make up the unique and rich tapestry of our lives.